Rendez-moi ma santé mentale

It's been a whole two weeks since he's been gone. A whole goddamn two weeks. I totally regret not documenting everything that we did. I remember around the time we were constantly hanging out every day, I bought a tiny little camera and took pictures of EVERYTHING. I managed to take pictures of everything but my dear cousin. It drives me crazy that I don't have as many pictures of him as I thought I did. Goddamnit if only I could explain to you guys better. But if I could give up everything that I have now, which to be honest is not a whole lot, just to see him again for 15 minutes. Just to see him, hear him, smell him, dance with him, ride in the car with him, rap with him, whatever, I would give it all up in a heartbeat.

Another update on my personal life, the owner/president of Forever 21, Mr. Chang, will be visiting my area this week. He is expected to fly in tomorrow afternoon. I will be slavin' for the next 24 hours. Hopefully I don't get fired.

Now, onto la mode de Yeye. Anyone that I work with can tell you I am fairly versatile. I go through phases on comfort. Sometimes I find comfort in just a simple pair of tights with "coochie cutters" and a hole-y t-shirt. Sometimes I find comfort in sweetheart floral dresses. Sometimes I find comfort in ruffles and sometimes I find comfort in maxi skirts. It all really depends on the time of year. Lately, I've been on a knack for floral prints and denim textures. Again, the whole Marc Jacobs thing is in full effect still this season. Mixing a floral dress with an oversized chambray top is totally the deal. Even a floral top with a denim jacket and some dark skinny's. And I also learned too with my mixology that one can mix SUBTLE leopard print shoes with vintage floral prints. I'm talking real vintage, liberty floral prints. Not so much watercolored realistic large floral prints. Denim shorts are obviously too a hit this season solely due to weather and the fact that denim looks so good with floral prints. But! This doesn't mean that I wear pants ;]

Floral Ruffle Front Strapless Romber with Brown Braided Belt - $20 Forever21.com
Fitted Medium Denim Jacket - $17 Papaya
Leopard Print Peep Toe Wedges - $22 Forever21.com

Aidez-moi! Je suis en vie sans toi

I'm so sorry that I haven't updated sooner. I'm still in the process of accepting and recovering from the trauma in the past week. My cousin Daboy had/has a strong heart. Even after he was I guess declared brain dead, his heart was still beating. But unfortunately, there was no way to revive him. Like an empty shell. He was registered as an organ donor, so we only have but oh so much time to decide on what to do before his organs started failing and decaying. My family and I stayed with him for 4 days until he was declared dead at 9:10pm on Monday March 7th, 2011. Seeing him at the viewing was probably the most traumatizing thing to see, honestly. There was my cousin, my brother in a sense, in a casket. But it wasn't even him. This mother fucker had make up all over his face, chapped lips, cotton shoved up his mother fucking nose, no heart beat, no nothing. I couldn't even touch him. I just kept repeating to myself that he's going to wake up soon. I'm slowly realizing that he's gone forever, but his heart was so big and the love he gave to everyone was so genuine. His love will live through me, through you, through everyone. He had so much of it you wouldn't even believe it if it were in material form. He was my everything. He was the one that revolutionized my character. And now he's gone. You need to get from Virginia Beach to Santa Barbara with a map. Can't lose it, but it flew out the window on the way there. You have no cell phone, no GPS, no nothing. You're lost, right? I'm so lost.

Daboy wouldn't have wanted me to hold any grudges. He was always about peace. Ugh, I'm crying as I'm writing this. But just as a general announcement since this blog is public and I'm sure my enemies have come across it. I'm over everything that's happened in the past minus my cousin's death. Whether it was I stole your boyfriend or you stole mine or you borrowed a pair of jeans and never gave it back or a leather jacket or whatever. Really, you should know who you are, ALL of you. I'm over all of that because there are more important things I'm focusing on. I'm not going to say sorry in general, but to those that deserve an apology, I'm seriously sorry. But I need to divert my attention to the present and what I'm going to do with myself during this time of serious trauma and deep depression and anger.

In Loving Memory of my beautiful cousin Daniel "Daboy" Ibanez
We all love you, so much. But please, stop unhooking my shower curtain. It's scaring my dog.

I can't go out like this. No fucking way.

I don't want to get into the entire story, but then again I don't know what else to say to make it know to my viewers as to why I will be sparsely updating for the next week and a couple of days.

My cousin, who I spent lots of time with, hung himself tonight. Words can't begin to describe what I'm feeling, or what I'm going to be feeling for the next few days or weeks or months or even years. There was one summer where he picked me up everyday and we'd drive around and go to multiple thrift stores just finding the best deals. I remember he was with me when I bought my first pair of "scenie weenie" jeans. Bought those suckers for 3 dollars and they were the best damn jeans I've ever bought. But you all should know me by now. I don't really wear jeans anymore but if I did, I'd wear those jeans even though there's a ginormous hole right over my vagina.

But there's small hope. He's showing no brain activity but he's got a steady heart beat. There's a chance he'll make it, but when someone is suffering so much, we need to stop being selfish and let him do whatever he wants or go wherever he wants. I love my cousin, so much. But what else can I do for him when I left him in DC and I'm so occupied with my life that I barely have time to talk to myself? God I feel like the asshole cousin. I really do.

Along with my brother Jon and my sister Denice, my cousin Daboy helped raise me to be who I am today. Each of those three gave me a bit of life. I almost feel lost, now. I'm driving up to DC to see him tomorrow morning. And I'm almost preparing myself to experience a totally different side of me. A totally different side of Yeye.

Anyways, I just wanted to let you all know that that's what's happening, and I still have enough pride to hold on to to not go out without a bang. This photoshoot was done by Hill Harper. The first goofy picture is there just so that this post isn't entirely depressing. It's crazy. One minute he's there. And the last minute, he's gone. You'll never know what unconditional love feels like until it's gone. I do love you all. And you should be hearing from me in a few days. I'm not the type that prays. But I'll pray if you do.

Striped Cropped Sweater - Forever21.com $7.99 on sale
Printed Maxi Skirt - Forever21.com $15.50 Fab Find
Black Strap Wedges - Forever21.com $23

Apologies

I will be unable to post any blog entries between now and whenever I get back from DC. But there is a family emergency in the act, and I need to take a break from the world. Thank you all.

High Waist Skirt for sale and tummy grubblin'

HIGH WAIST DENIM SKIRT FOR SALE!!!!!! Size small, by Better Be. Fits comfortably. Email thegirlyeye@gmail.com if you're interested!

I think I'll post later ;]

Dedicated for Shae and Charlye

Graciously, I am scheduled off today from my store. It's such a relief, but at the same time, I can't help but get worried about what's going to happen when I'm not there or whatever. I worry a lot when I have a huge part in the company. And now that I have the word "manager" in my title, I feel like I'm solely responsible regardless of if I'm there or not. Er well, at least visual responsible. Btw, don't let your friends tell you that working at Forever 21 is the worst job they've ever had. It only gets that bad when you have no support or no common sense. Seriously. I eat associates for breakfast. It's not that big of a deal. Bend down. Pick up. Put back. Repeat.

Another shoot by Hill Harper. I had a difficult time doing this honestly, because this really isn't my style unless I'm running (which I don't do.) If you've read my blog, you'll know that sweater is still up for grabs! The girl never responded back to me about her address. Those are the only sneakers I own, and they're not really sneakers at the same time. But nevertheless, Hill Harper told me to think of my homies Shae and Charlye, and it made things for me so much easier. Granted there's only 3 good pictures of me in this outfits without looking like a total idiot (er well, the last picture is pretty bad haha), but we still made it work with what he was going for.

Stay tuned for another post later! I'm selling another article of clothing!

Green American Apparel Tennis Shorts - $12 Americanapparel.net
Blue/Purple Nike Vandals - $45 Cmonwealth.com